Okay, now a real, live, NON-copy/paste-old-one-from-my-myspace BLOG. lol

I guess this is the point I am in my life now, so a little background for whoever ends up reading these, so that future posts make sense :)

I was born at a very young age. It was a dark and stormy night... okay just kidding, I'll start with a little more recent! :)

Right before Christmas, it seemed my life was falling apart.

All within one week, I lost two things in my life that I loved. For each, I gave the best of myself, but it wasn't enough. And then looking back at how often this kind of thing happens in my life, I started to wonder if anyone would ever see that I'm worth holding onto. Why is it so easy for people to let go of me? During that week, I felt like I had nothing to grasp onto. In my head, I know that God has a plan for me, a good plan- but my heart couldn't accept it. What good could come out of this? All I could see was losing my house, not being able to take care of my family, and being alone for the rest of my life. This is it. This is my purpose: I am going to take my kids to school every day, sit in a hot bath and cry my eyes out.

But this is just how amazing God is. It's awesome to see how He arranges things to fit together for His purpose. I am starting to see it little by little. I can't see the whole picture yet, but one at a time, things are starting to make sense. And He HAD to do it all at once. If I lost one thing, I'd still have the other as my consolation. God knows I needed to be left with no choice but to fall on Him, so He wiped them both out. How could the timing of all this NOT be from Him?? He's a genius!!!

I thought this was my dream job. But God is showing me other opportunities now that look like they will end up much better. Why would He do that, when I completely lost hope, without a vision in sight? I have no idea. I'm amazed at how much He loves me.

I thought he would be the one I end up with. We were best friends. We tried to work it out for another month or so, but it wasn't what God wanted, and we had to face it. I miss him, and I miss the girls. They were so much a part of our lives, and it's hard to cold-turkey cut that out. God is NOT enough. I need a man too! .... And now I suppose that's why God had to take him away, lol. I can see now, how things like this come from HIM to give me a reality check. I feel now that I have been ignoring the fact that God has been calling me into a time of waiting, so that I can fill myself with Him and truly see that it's enough. He's been doing that for the last 2 years, and I didn't want to face that. I always tell myself I am being patient... but I'm not! Patient is being content and finding comfort in Him, and not always asking "when, when, when" and "who, who, who". I am going to now relax, get more into the Word than ever, and just go about my life. I hope that God will bring the perfect guy for me, and I wish it was soon, but I know it could be years, or it could be never. God didn't create me so that I could have everything I want. I was created to worship Him, and serve Him for HIS PURPOSE, not mine. I have been doing homeless ministry with the kids, and it's been awesome. I LOVE it!!! I love meeting the people and talking to them about life, and God. We try to make a lunch every day and bring it to someone. This city is FULL of people every day who are hungry, but it DOESN'T HAVE TO STAY THAT WAY! Why do we have to accept it? Things can change. Okay that was a little side track, lol.

So this is who I am, as of now. A single mom who has no idea what's going on in her career, or how she will be able to take care of her family, but hopefully will SOON, as things are coming together, and I realize it's God who provides all things. A single mom who wants more than anything to have a complete family, but I am choosing to be content in God's promises and perfect timing. Meanwhile, teaching my kids to be WORLD CHANGERS, by blessing others and spreading God's Word and love.

Jeremiah 29:11